Conflicting Emotions by TheCosmicTraveler, literature
Literature
Conflicting Emotions
My heart is cascading With tears, fears, and joy I've grown to love you as we verse Causing my emotions to heal and hurt Your laugh warms me up Soothing my pain with your voice It hurts to get close to you, but I have no other choice I think of you constantly My thoughts have become linear I worry I might get a attached You are just so.........NO I can't do this again I can't allow myself to feel this way I'm only going to get hurt by my own emotions I'm so conflicted by your enchanting persona I should leave from you and let it be over Your heart is already taken I shouldn't be here I'm clearly mistaken I'll just disappear I'm sorry 4/19/24
She slips into the room each morning as I flip on my computer and begin work announcing her presence with uplifted tail and golden eyes that seem to glow from mischief Sometimes she grips at my swivel chair claws tugging the fabric sometimes she leaps atop pillows to peer out the window meowing until I open it onto the screen and sometimes she just curls up on my bed to drift into a deep slumber Regardless of her chosen state whenever I take a break for water or a snack she trails along like a small furry shadow who is wont to flop onto her back and trill eager for a belly rub or a plush weasel with which
Sadness surrounds my head Sinking my consciousness into the deep blue sea I'm cold and shivering I can't breathe The pressure is suffocating My mind is spiraling A cyclone of misery It's very hard to see The further I fall Light becomes dim The ocean holds my tears My hopes and my fears I reach for the surface Hoping I can be saved Can someone save me I'm slipping away 4/18/24
"No one deserves me" I'm a complicated soul I have conflicting emotions I can't be next to you very long Your presence scatters my heart I'm alone for a reason People complicate me Eventually I push them away I don't know how to stay I'm sorry for how I am I won't apologize though You must appeal to my many faces Or I will appear as a disguise I'm not trying to hide I want to be close to you frequently But the closer you get It's almost like you're provoking my animosity I push Then I pull Only to run them off I'm not stable 4/16/24
May I lay down my head Resting it upon your shoulder I'm really tired Carrying so many boulders (It's been so long since I've slept) I'm always on guard Surrounded by people I can't trust Sleeping very lightly Concerned of what's happening around me (Jumping up if I feel a presence) Is it ok, That I don't feel safe I can't let my guard down Not here, not now (Until I get out of this place) I want to rest My head resting in your lap Your warmth gives me comfort Repairing the hole in my chest (Protecting my fragile heart) 4/15/24
Lapses and Bridges by LiterarySerenity, literature
Literature
Lapses and Bridges
Shelves came crashing down unexpectedly If I had been in the wrong place at the wrong time I would still feel the results right now through bruises and cuts and other scrapes always looking up to see what might fall next …and sometimes I still do Instead hard wooden edges met a fragile touchscreen computer cracks formed and a mad dash was made to a store for replacements to handle obligations scheduled to reach me through digital connections unable to handle lengthy waits for their resolution These lapses seem to have become a norm lately people disappear
Everything I say. Encrypted and lost. Speaking volumes. Only to say nothing at all. I speak to you. Only to withdraw. Feeling exposed. Breaking a law. I'm sorry. I was pierced by a double edged sword. Coming into the light. Sharing burns my core. I want to stay here. I automatically disappear. I've self saboged myself. Defeated by my fears. I've lost another friend. Another bucket of tears. 4/10/24
Covered in shadows I see nothing but darkness Condemned by conformity Keeping me depressed I've become what I despise Hurting people and breaking lives Blinded by my pain Reaping for my undying flame I thought I'd be lost Stuck in an eternal slumber Bewitched by the blood Keeping me held under Overtime, My dark shell has cracked Revealing a blinding light My purity still breaths life My shell has finally broken I now fall from the heavens Wings still covered in malice I shall surely die On my left wrist Also my right Two figures hold me Suspended in the air I look up to see Who would've save me A broken vessel I'm not worthy Smiles emerge I can't bare to stare It hurts deeply to feel Such kindness so fair I ask humbly Why would save such a retch I was answered gently You're a warrior blessed I hesitate to accept Eventually see it true My soul is still intact My heart is beating solid truth Stand firm You have much worth You've suffered unjustly But their plan didn't work My
Would you listen to me for a moment Please try not to judge Ok I'll begin I don't try be negative I actually aspire to be optimistic My life barely has any positive in it As it has been since I was born I wasn't wanted by anyone Not my mother or father I've just been used and thrown away My mother wanted a daughter My memories are broken I've endured lots of trauma Mental, sexual, verbal, and physical abuse I'm broken as my memories are No different Years later Bullied and ignored I've felt like it's a game I have self harmed To avoid killing someone I've been harboring all these things on my own Absorbing all the blame I've been fighting on my own Appearances say different Noone knows me or my life Why I want to die That's all I'm going to say I'm sorry 4/9/24